I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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