with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
