Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
