I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
