My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
