So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
