I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
