I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
