Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
