I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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