Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
