I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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