when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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