cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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