considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
