need another drink. this is the easiest way
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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