yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
