Having a random hookup so left but love u
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
