i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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