Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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