I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
