so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
