You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
