did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
