So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
