apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
