well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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