he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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