If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize