Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We talked him into tasing himself.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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