Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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