Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
farters have to be the big spoon...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
