mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
