Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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