Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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