My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
