half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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