I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
