Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
