That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
