we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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