I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you made out with another girl for some wings
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
