Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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