Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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