I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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