There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
