Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
