He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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