if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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