Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
