I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
