It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
