why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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