WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
