Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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