I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I FOUND THE LEGS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
