i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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