I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
