Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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