I look better un-naked...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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