You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
