Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
