Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
