He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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