final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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