piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
