i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
