I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
