Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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