He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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